Police Report of DAVID S. & MISTRESS E., 26 August 1826

LIVERPOOL POLICE

Monday week was occupied in hearing the circumstances of a sort of faux pas, between one DAVID S., alias E.– O.T. (operative tailor), and Mistress E., maid of all work. This worthy pair had, it appeared, by some inextricable mystery, conceived an attachment for each other—but Hymen refused to sanction their junction, the maid being already bound by indissoluble ties to another—this consideration did not hinder the ninth part of a man from shewing that he possessed his full proportion of human frailty and affection for the fair. Love had let fly an arrow at the luckless taylor [sic], sharp and piercing as the brightest needle in his whole collection—”passion burns him, beauty spurns him”—but yet, he plied his suit so pathetically, so warmly, and so persuadingly, that the wife or maid of all work became so much affected as to consent to accompany the stricken taylor to

“——— lonely haunts and twilight groves,

Places which pale passion loves”—

Suspicion, ever on the alert, pursued, and the form of a constable, attached them, whilst billing and cooing; as like a pari of turtle doves, or a goose and her goslings, as any pair in love’s dictionary. The luckless taylor pronounced himself free to act and speak, as his wayward fancy dictated, although a “goose for his pains;” but, not being able to prove this satisfactorily to the bench, he was directed to be transmitted to Sydney, with an exhortation  not to be so punctual a transgressor of the 10th commandment in future. His inamorato, declining positively to resume her household duties, was ordered to be immured within the Factory’s drear halls.

See Original:POLICE INCIDENTS,” The Australian (Sydney, NSW : 1824 – 1848) Saturday 26 August 1826, p.3